Annie's Little Secret

Our sweet little Annie has made tremendous strides eating with a spoon and taking a bottle.  It seems for every achievement she makes, it comes with a list of skills that she's either struggling with, not doing, or behind on.  Annie can't take a bottle in an upright position and a cup incites rage like you wouldn't believe.  Although she's crawling she's not sitting up independently and her crawl is a little awkward.  She's not imitating behaviors or holding her own bottle.  The strange part is not that she can't do these things but it's that she doesn't even try.  She notices us but she just looks at us like she's thinking, "What are you doing?"  I've put handles on her bottles and she wants nothing to do with them.  She insists on having one arm tucked behind me and her other hand on my pinkie.  I feel responsible because I tucked one arm behind me to hold her down when she was thrashing and now she refuses to not have it there.  She makes no attempt to imitate or make hard consonant sounds; she only makes a short a sound.  Annie makes no attempt to chew on anything in her mouth but she does finally suck.  Annie's speech therapist would like us to ask about having an occupational therapist come on board to help Annie.  

I think the ability is there but I'm not sure why she's not doing these things.  She's at a point where being behind in one skill will cause delays in other skills.  We don't want her to get so far behind that it becomes an issue to get her back on track.  We're sort of hoping for a catching up and preventative approach.  Most of Annie's Christmas presents this year are going to be developmental toys her speech therapist suggested.  

As I was snuggling Annie to sleep tonight I feel apart.  I know Annie is exactly the way she is supposed to be and exactly as God intends her to be.  I guess I was crying out of my own selfishness.  I so very much don't want to see this precious little angel struggle any more than she has to.  I know all these things will come in come but I wonder at what time and to what extent she'll struggle between now and then.  I think about how traumatic feeding was for her - and for us - for the first four months of her life and wonder if she'll have to go through the same trauma.  And in the midst of this, I see her beautiful blue eyes open and a sweet smile from behind her binkie while my tears stream down her cheeks.  She is a precious gift and so sweet and funny and through everything she has the most beautiful smile and always a laugh.  And I feel so small and helpless.  

This is the best picture I could get of her TWO beautiful teeth.